If youbhave anything to submit. Please do.

sometimes i wonder if i should just ‘run away’. the idea of time alone sounds so appealing, time to be alone with myself and my thoughts and maybe figure out some of this stuff…but then i wonder if my family would miss me. i know my mum wouldnt care less, but my grandad would miss me, i know he would-he is my best friend, and i know its kinda creepy! he has cancer, and ive got a feeling that he isnt telling me the whole story. i know that he is scared, but he wont tell anyone because he thinks its better off this way…im sorry if this is inaproppriate, but i just wanted to tell someone. im always here if anyone needs to talk, just drop me an ask <3 love

good-night-sweet-ladies

The kitchen was about three times bigger than it usually is and completely bare. I walked up to the only chair at the table and started to climb it, once on the seat I sat down.
My legs were nowhere near the floor.
There was nothing on the table except for one large white plate on which sat a bright blue butterfly. Almost mechanically I reached for the butterfly, rolled it up and ate it. 
As soon as I swallowed it down, there was a new butterfly on the plate. 
Again, with a tranquillity that was almost frightening, I reached for the butterfly, rolled its beautiful azure wings up to its brown body, and ate it. Once swallowed another butterfly was lay, staring at me, on the white plate. 
This went on for at least thirty butterfly’s.
Once I was finished I could feel the vomit in my throat bubbling upwards, threatening to erupt outwards, so I put my hands over my mouth to keep it in. That’s when I noticed that the butterfly’s were slowly crawling down the veins in my arms, there was a queue of them from my elbow to just past the base of my wrist.
I could barely scream before the first butterfly viciously broke through my skin. 
No longer beautiful and fragile but now covered in blood and fractured irrevocably they began filling the space around my head, wildly beating their wings, blocking my sight until I could see, hear and feel nothing at all.

thingirlsmakemecry

There are nights where I am so depressed and angry at myself and just tired of dealing with all of the stress and problems that I have to go through that I go sit in my shower and cry my eyes out because not only can nobody tell I’m crying, but because it’s the only place where I’m calm enough to avoid the urge to start cutting.

As a young child, I was court separated from my parents, pulled out of school, moved away from every one of my friends, and forced to live with my grandparents in another state. As soon as I started to get lasting friendships, I was removed from my grandparents and put back with my parents in yet again another new state. I rarely make friends outside of the internet because of the fear that I’ll be forced to move away as soon as I get close to them.

i-eat-boys, mat.

I’m so afraid to show emotion or any sign of problems to the people around me that there are days when I don’t say a word to anyone. I walk around with a scowl on my face, and people label me as crazy, and they don’t talk to me. They label me crazy, when they have no idea what in the fuck is actually going on.

After feeling confident in myself for the first time in years, I came out as gay to my parents. My dad played it off and told me I was going through a phase after shedding a tear and silently driving me home. It is now one of my biggest regrets.

i-eat-boys, mat.


©